GWAR – Blothar Speaks To Insignificant Human (Interview)

GWAR - Blothar In His Glory (Glasgow Garage)
GWAR – Blothar In His Glory (Glasgow Garage)

I was granted an audience with the leader of Gwar whilst the band were in Glasgow. With great trepidation, I was escorted backstage to have a chance to ask some probably stupid and ignorant questions to one of our world’s true masters. I was so small in stature as well. So much so, I had my arm stretched up high to make sure the mike was close enough for his voice to be recorded! Below is my meagre attempt at getting more information about these alien creatures. Read on if you dare.

GWAR – Blothar Speaks To Insignificant Human (Interview)

TC: Can I just ask you if you all originate from the same planet are you from different parts of the universe?

Blothar: We come from a lot of different planets. We all met on Scumdogia which is of course where the Scumdogs Of The Universe all end up. For instance, Beefcake is from the planet Cholesterol, I believe Jizmak is originally from the Wide World Of Sports, you know from all over we come.

TC: So have you been sent here to sort us all out?

Blothar: Yeah. We were originally supposed to come here and conquer the whole place but as it turned out it seems we were having too much fun from getting fucked up, finger banging dinosaurs and shit!

TC: I first saw you away back in 1990 at the old Edinburgh Venue, I was co-railed into making bags of blood up in the afternoon before the show…

Blothar: Onstage Glasgow Garage
Blothar: Onstage Glasgow Garage

Blothar: Oh I was there. All the way through we have had slaves, we still do, and that’s who you were with before. Still making up blood, still pumping it out. You know Gwar is not exactly a glamour gig, it’s a hard-working outfit.

TC: Can I ask what is in the semen you use? I wasn’t allowed to help on that

Blothar: Well it just used to be semen! Occasionally if we ran low the slaves would get water and coffee creamer, you know that kind of shit… em… I mean what is semen actually made of anyway? I don’t know. What, possibly oxygen, baby juice and baby batter.

Fathering the human race?

TC: I remember from the first gig we were told that we are all your children?

Blothar: Yeah that’s right. We fucked apes and it was a big mistake. I think we have all made mistakes you know? With our penises or indeed other genitalia we have made mistakes. What can we do? Next thing we knew was we had these hideous little man things running around. That’s how it happened. Gwar accidentally created the human race.

TC: Sorry but I can’t help but notice how large your appendages are. Is that normal from where you come from?

Blothar: Yeah! Yeah! Absolutely! I’m pretty average size male and what I lack in length I make up in the number of weiners I have. Oh, what I do want to say about the children thing is that you are our children but we are NOT your fathers. We make terrible fathers. Anyone can make a child but it takes a better person than Gwar to be a father.

Gwar Onstage Glasgow Garage
Gwar Onstage Glasgow Garage

TC: So I take it that looking for back payments on child support is pointless?

Blothar: Yes we do not owe the entire human race child support so don’t ask!

Next on the agenda…

TC: You have a few more shows in the UK after tonight?

Blothar: I think we have 3 more. Newcastle and we go to play for the savages in Wolverhampton, they are absolute savages there I tell you. Then we are bringing back memories of the Roman Legion and march on London.

TC: About time I would have thought. I await to read about it in the papers.

Bothar: We keep trying. I don’t understand why the Scots don’t just invade England. I mean remember the battlecry? (he then shouted quite forcefully causing the room to shake) “FREEDOMMMMMM

At this point, my meeting with him was ended due to him being called to be ready to get onstage.

Aftermath…and thanks…

I left humbled and a bit of a quivering wreck having had such an opportunity to be reminded how worthless and weak we humans are compared to our masters Gwar!

A huge thanks to Blothar giving myself and this website not only time but any time of day.

Huge thanks to Sinclair MacKenzie for the photography.

Also thanks to Andy Turner of PTO for arranging things.

Gwar Website / Gwar Official Facebook

Also, find more of my CGCM reviews here: Tom Cornell

Tom Cornell

Email Me at: Tom Cornell

My GWAR / VOIVOD – Glasgow Garage Live – (Concert Review)

GWAR / VOIVOD – Glasgow Garage Live – (Concert Review)

Blothar From Gwar Onstage Glasgow Garage Gwar came to Glasgow from the frozen wastes of Antarctica bringing the weather with ...
[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE6lohKcDmQ[/embedyt]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *